Open Farewell Letter for East Lawns’ Globals

Dear fellow zangyou warrior,

Since I am not good with farewell and alcohol and flirting, I decided to write this epic open letter as my way of saying goodbye and thank you to all of you guys. Please note that this letter is a real tear jerker and guaranteed to dry your tears out, so it is advised to read this letter while drinking mineral water to keep yourself from getting dehydrated. It is also advised to play these awesome but sad song to get yourself in the sad farewell mood. And if your Japanese still sucks big time to understand the lyrics of the song (like me), the second video is the english version of the song, so play the one that suits your nihongo level. Okay? Here goes.

As most of you already know, I am leaving our beloved company. Yes, by the time you are reading this emotional letter, I will be on my flight back to my country. It was a tough decision, but seeing the current condition where:

  • Daniel left me and get married to another girl,
  • Kiiroi-san left me and get married to another girl,
  • Reza-san left me and get married to another girl,
  • and other less-important reasons like how my current department does not wanna change and always wanna stick with the old ways, the overtime hours, and how Simon sexually harassed me lately;

I felt like I have lost all my reasons to stay. Yes, I felt lonely and left out and this situation is too depressing that I started eating massive amount of deodorant. I also started to get some serious health issues like losing my hair after I cut them off and the deterioration of my testosterone level when I am around masculine women like Angela. So, to stop further damage to this very wonderland of mine (cause John Mayer said my body is a wonderland), I decided to quit this company and return to my country as a proud jobless-man. To be honest, although I didn’t plan on staying on this company until I retired, I also didn’t plan on leaving this early. I was thinking of working for like 5-10 years here before moving on for new challenges, but sadly, the condition forced me to do so (excuses, excuses, excuses).

So, through this letter, I would like to say thank you to all of you guys, fellow globals, regardless of your batch or your country or your sexual orientation, for these awesome three and a half years. It has been a great ride and I would love to repeat those experiences all over again, except for the zangyou part. I also would like to say I am sorry to most the global girls (like 95% of them) that had a huge crush on me for not being able to return your feelings. I love you all too and I want to have all of you but sadly polygamy is still not legal, so I have to be fair and not giving any false hope to any of you. I hope you girls understand my hallucination.

For my Indonesian batchmates, thank you for the awesome adventure and the support when I was going through my divorce. Special mention for ‘abang kamar seberang’ and ‘abang kamar lantai tiga’ for all the troubles that I’ve caused you. I love you full and I am sorry for all the debt that I may or may not forgotten on purpose. 😀

For the weekend badminton club, thank you for making me a better badminton player. I started my badminton career with a skill equal to a monkey holding a racket, but now, I can play on equal level with junior high school girl or 60years old oji-san, assuming their feet were chained and their eyes covered. Shame I have to leave this country without beating the BIG BOSS first.

For the Keihin lunch club, thank you for the awesome lunch time gossip and flirting. Keep up the good work and stay noisy at lunch. And, please, whatever you do, keep your zangyou level as low as you can.

For the recent volleyball club, thank you for teaching me how to play volleyball. I used to scream like a little bitch when a ball comes to me, but now, I scream with a lot less girly voice. Thank you also for making realize my true talent: rigging the scoreboard while noone is looking. I will try tom apply that skill in my life whenever it is possible.

For the occasional futsal club, thank you for inviting me and letting me come to work out some sweat and letting me run around the field although I am pretty much useless during the game.

For the 2012 batchmates, thank you for all the togetherness within these short three years. Life in foreign country is tough, but we survived here, elegantly, with style, and like a boss. Each one of you is unique and absurd in some way or another and although I may not be that close to some of you, I will never forget you. You will forever be my (at least) facebook friend.

For my true partner in crime, my one and only oritatami jitensha that I named Natasha Kournikova Acha Acha Pahe Paket Hemat. Thank you for your service in this incredibly rough three years. You saved me a lot of money, yet I didn’t bother to oil your chain or even clean you up. You even ended up getting pounded three times. If it is legal to marry a bicycle, I would have marry you. Now you are in a junkyard somewhere in Japan after I ditched you for a cooler, bigger, stronger bicycle that a friend gave me for free but rest assured, partner, you are forever inside the treasure chest of my heart.

And for all other friends/community that I couldn’t mention above, thank you. It is not that you are less important than my oritatame jitensha or that I forgot about you. It is just that I am so sad and emotional right now that I can stop my tears and runny nose from flowing. So I have to close this post and wrap it up. Besides, I have a flight to catch tomorrow in the morning, so I have to sleep early.

As a final closing word, let me end this post by saying an old wisdom words:

Chacha maricha heyhey, chacha maricha heyhey, keep in touch and see you again in the future…

Stepen – The Quitting Salaryman

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